


Cold Comfort

by Kalkasar (Mordhena)



Series: Cold Comfort [1]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Infidelity, Past Infidelity, Soap Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:54:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26748391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mordhena/pseuds/Kalkasar
Summary: Malcolm and Trip deal with the emotional fallout after Trip slept with Kaitaama on the water planet.This is not a happy ending fic. That will come later.
Relationships: Malcolm Reed/Charles "Trip" Tucker III
Series: Cold Comfort [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947538
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fiction was written at time when the author was dealing with a cheating partner and a lot of what Malcolm feels is what I felt then. (I am in a happier place now).
> 
> While editing the story ready to archive here, I got the feeling here and there that it's a bit of a soap opera, but I am archiving it anyway because I believe in the preservation of fan works.

Trip Tucker lay on his bunk, staring up at the ceiling. He’d been lying  
there for the last two hours, trying to sleep. 'Tryin’,' he muttered to  
himself as he flopped over on his right side and pummeled his pillow with one  
fist. Why was it so damned lumpy all of a sudden? His bed was rumpled and  
uncomfortable. His clothes felt too tight, he felt like the neck of his  
shirt was going to choke him. He sighed and sat up.  
  
Tucker cast a glance at the chrono beside his bed and shook his head. 0200  
and he hadn’t slept a wink. He was on duty at 0500. He pushed to his  
feet and grabbed a sweatshirt, pulling it over his head as he walked out  
into the hallway.  
  
The captain was always walking the decks at night. He said it was a good way  
to unwind. Maybe it would help.  
  
But the real problem wasn’t that he was stressed or wound up. Not in the  
normal way anyhow. Tucker rubbed a hand through his hair in an attempt to  
tidy the ruffled mop into something less slept in. _Well, less tossed and  
turned in anyway_, he thought as he made his way along the corridor. He  
realized when the cold of the deck plating penetrated his thoughts that  
he had forgotten to put on any shoes. He pondered going back, and dismissed  
the thought with a small shake of his head.  
  
The real problem, he thought was that he was a complete ass hole...that’s  
what the real problem was.  
  
He hadn’t spoken to Malcolm since the landing party brought him and  
Kaitaama back aboard Enterprise. Malcolm had given him a look of  
bewilderment when they got off the shuttle-pod and then turned his back and  
walked away.  
  
Not a word. No anger, no yelling, no demands for an explanation. All  
those, Tucker could have coped with, but silence; cold... _arctic_ silence was  
beyond his ability to handle.  
  
Tucker sighed. He wanted to talk to Malcolm. He needed to, but his lover had  
locked him out. Out of his cabin, and, it seemed out of his life. The  
engineer bit his lip and turned towards the mess hall. Maybe Chef had left  
out something sweet and decadent for a midnight snack. He could sure use  
comfort food right now.  
  
The mess hall was quiet. The Gamma shift would have had  
their meal breaks earlier, and no one else was around. Tucker found a piece  
of mud cake in the servery. He fetched a mug of cocoa to wash it down with.  
Chocolate, he mused was the best kind of comfort food. ‘Chef musta known  
somethin’,’ he said to the empty room as he sat down and picked at the cake  
with his fingers.  
  
He glanced towards the door, and froze in mid chew when Malcolm stepped into the mess.  
  
The armory officer looked...tired. That was the only word for it. He was  
pale, and his eyes drooped with the obvious weariness; his whole body  
drooped with it, in fact. Tucker forced the suddenly tasteless morsel of  
cake down his throat and half stood up.  
  
The movement brought grey eyes to him in an instant, and he saw Reed  
tense.  
  
Neither man spoke for a moment, and then Reed merely nodded and turned  
around. The door closed behind him with a quiet hiss.  
  
Tucker raced to the door and through it without another thought.  
  
He was just in time to see the slight frame of his lover disappear around a  
corner. He took to his heels, running after the man who meant more to him  
than anyone on the ship. 'Malcolm!'  
  
Rounding the bend, he skidded to a halt before he collided with Reed who had  
stopped and was standing there, arms folded across his chest, eyes cold and  
shuttered.  
  
'Mal...'  
  
'Quiet down,' Reed said, his tone just short of a command.  
  
Tucker took a half step back, blinking in surprise.  
  
'There _are_ some people on the ship who’re sleeping you know.'  
  
'Yeah...' Tucker moved forward, one hand reached out to touch Reed’s  
arm, but the touch was shrugged off as Reed turned away and continued to  
walk along the corridor. 'Malcolm?' Tucker followed him. He hated the guilt that boiled within him.  
He hated being shrugged off by his lover. He hated himself. He sighed and  
tried again. 'Malcolm, we need to talk.'  
  
'Really?' Reed halted abruptly and turned an icy glare on him. 'I can’t  
imagine why.'  
  
'Ah c’mon, Mal.' Tucker had to hurry to keep up with the Brit. 'You know  
why...you know I ...'  
  
'I used to _think_ I knew where I stood with you, Mister Tucker. I _thought_  
I knew you. I _thought_ a lot of things ... I was obviously mistaken.'  
  
'I can explain...' but he really couldn’t. Tucker’s steps faltered for an  
instant, and he frowned. 'Malcolm, please.' He had to trot to catch up. How could Reed  
move so quickly but still be walking?  
  
Reed stopped and punched a control, stepping into the lift when the  
door slid open. Tucker ducked in behind him.  
  
They rode in silence. Tucker examined and rejected several things  
he could say and finally he sighed and said. 'I’m sorry.'  
  
'That’s not enough.' Malcolm cast him a quick look and then left as the  
doors opened on his selected deck.  
  
'It’s the truth.' Tucker followed him.  
  
'Is it?'  
  
'Malcolm, c’mon! gimme a break, whaddya want from me? I ...'  
  
'I want you to go away and leave me alone.' Reed stopped and met his eyes  
for the first time. 'Now.'  
  
'Just let me...'  
  
'Go away.'  
  
'Malcolm, it didn’t mean anythin’! I was I... I dunno why it happened. I  
just... I ...'  
  
'Look, it really doesn’t matter what it meant, Commander.'  
  
Tucker hated it when Reed used his rank. It was just one more of a hundred  
ways the man had of holding him at arm’s length.  
  
'It happened, and the message is clear.' Reed turned away from him. 'You  
really don’t need to explain anything to me.'  
  
'I think I do.'  
  
'I don’t care.'  
  
'You do care. That’s why we gotta talk, Malcolm.'  
  
'I think I asked you to go away.' Reed was walking again, his back ramrod  
straight and his shoulders squared. Tucker followed him.  
  
'I’m not goin’ anywhere until ya hear me out.'  
  
Reed stopped and shook his head. He looked down at Tucker's feet. 'You can’t  
enter this area without footwear,' he said with a shake of his head. He  
glanced at the door and pressed the control. 'Regulation footwear is a  
standard requirement in the Armory. Now if you’ll excuse me commander...'  
  
Tucker stared at the closed door for a long moment after Reed stepped  
through it. He was tempted to follow but he could have no doubt that in his  
present mood, Reed would report the breach of regulations. Tucker didn’t  
need the captain or sub-commander on his case about rules a green crewman  
would know better than to break. With a reluctant sigh, he turned away and headed back to his cabin.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

"Lieutenant?"  
  
Malcolm Reed looked up from his console and met the eyes of the captain.  
“Sir?” He was confused, unsure what he had missed.  
  
The captain studied Reed for a moment before he spoke.  
  
"Is everything all right, Malcolm?" the tone was soft, for his ears alone.  
  
Reed nodded. "Yessir," he said. "Sorry...I..." he fumbled, uncomfortably  
aware that other members of the bridge crew were watching the exchange.  
  
Archer leaned both hands on Reed's console and met the lieutenant's eyes.  
"This is the third time I've had to--"  
  
"Yes, sir." Malcolm nodded an acknowledgement. "I'm fine." He glanced down  
at the readings on his console and drew a small sigh. He was far from fine,  
but there was no way he could tell Archer what the problem was. "I haven't  
been sleeping well lately," he offered. "I'll pay better attention, sir."  
  
"If you're unwell, you should see Doctor Phlox," The captain suggested.  
  
"I'm all right, Captain." Reed shifted in his seat and sighed with relief  
when the captain turned away with a nod.  
  
He focused on his work, and made a concerted effort to keep his thoughts  
from wandering to Tucker and the events surrounding the woman the engineer  
had rescued several days before.  
  
Every time he thought of the situation he was left with a dull, aching  
sensation somewhere in his guts. He couldn't believe that his lover had  
cheated on him. Worse yet, he couldn't believe how blatant Tucker had been  
about it.  
  
Kaitaama was an alluring woman, and Reed knew that his lover was bi-sexual,  
but he'd thought that their relationship precluded them from involvement  
with anyone else. He let out a breath, looking up to see if anyone had heard it.  
  
T'Pol regarded him from her station on the opposite side of the bridge. She  
raised an eyebrow and tilted her head in query. Of course, she had heard. He shook his head and looked away.  
  
He must get a hold of himself. Only two more hours and his shift would be  
over.  
  
Kaitaama had made no secret of her attraction to Tucker. She had in fact,  
made it plain that she considered him her personal property. That they'd  
shared more than a casual friendship on that water planet was obvious to  
Reed in the way the woman hung all over the engineer.  
  
Reed gritted his teeth, wincing as the grinding set them on  
edge. He glanced at the chrono. 1 hour and 48 seconds until he could escape  
to the privacy of his cabin.  
  
#  
  
Engineering was not a pleasant place to be that day. Staff scurried about  
the deck, carrying out the orders of a cranky chief engineer, and doing  
their best to keep out of his way in between times.  
  
Tucker, looking tired and grumpy, leaned against a console and scowled at  
the readings for a moment before he looked up and spotted a staff member who  
wasn't quick enough to avoid notice.  
  
"Begley! Those generators are still out of synch. I want it  
fixed...yesterday!" He turned and punched a few buttons, muttering to  
himself as he read the screen. He shook his head and pushed a hand through  
his hair.  
  
Tucker hadn't seen his lover since the abortive attempt at talking things  
through two days earlier. He had barely slept a wink since coming back  
aboard the ship, and food had become an afterthought.  
  
He'd made excuses to not join Archer and T'Pol for dinner the past two  
nights, but he had no hope of getting out of it again. Tucker  
sighed. He was expected in the captain's mess in about two hours and  
Archer's tone when he made the 'invitation' warned Tucker that he had better  
accept.  
  
He managed to get through his shift without completely  
alienating his staff, and he walked out of engineering and dragged his weary  
way to his cabin where he quickly showered and changed into a fresh uniform.  
  
Inspecting himself in the mirror after getting dressed, Tucker shook his  
head. He was unshaven and looked unkempt, but since the captain's table was  
considered a less formal setting, he decided he was too tired to bother with  
shaving. He combed his hair and headed for the captain's mess.  
  
Archer and T'Pol were already seated when he arrived. He nodded to the  
sub-commander and greeted the captain civilly.  
  
As he took a seat, the captain looked Tucker over. "Hard day?"  
  
"Yeah...we're still havin' some problems with those generators I told  
y'about." He huffed a breath and picked up his napkin, fidgeting with it as he spoke.  
"I'm hopin’ we'll get it sorted out tomorrow."  
  
Archer nodded. "Well, I'm glad you could join us tonight." He studied his  
friend for a moment, and a slight frown touched his features. Deciding not  
to press for more details for the moment, he leaned back in his chair.  
"Steak and potatoes," he remarked. "I didn't think you could resist that."  
  
Tucker forced a smile to his lips. "Great."  
  
The meal passed slowly, interspersed with silences broken by brief remarks  
from the captain and even briefer replies from the engineer.  
  
Archer frowned at his plate as he speared the last piece of steak on his  
fork. He glanced at T'Pol who was watching Tucker with something approaching  
puzzlement. She turned to look at the captain. "If you'll excuse  
me," she said, pushing to her feet.  
  
Tucker stood at the same time, dropping his napkin onto his plate, which  
held barely any less food than it had when the steward delivered it.  
  
"I should be..."  
  
Archer cut him off. "Trip...siddown." He waved the commander back to his  
seat and nodded to T'Pol. "G'night."  
  
Tucker sank down on his chair. He steeled himself, waiing until the  
sub-commander had gone before he spoke.  
  
"Cap'n, I've had a real tough week. I'm upta my ears with problems in  
Engineerin' and I really need to get some shuteye."  
  
"You're off-duty tomorrow," Archer said. He moved to a side cabinet. "Can I  
get you a drink? Beer?"  
  
Seeing no way out, Tucker relented. "Thanks."  
  
  
#  
  
  
Malcolm Reed sat in his quarters pretending to read a book. He'd pretended  
to read the same paragraph about nine times so far. He sighed and laid the  
book down. It was no use; his mind wouldn't focus on reading, any better  
than it focused on work.  
  
He needed some physical activity. "That's it," he said to himself.  
'"I need to go for a run, or...hit something." The pent up anger and emotion  
of the past few days was reaching breaking point and if he didn't let off  
some of that steam soon, Reed knew it was likely to come out sideways and  
hit some unsuspecting person.  
  
He got up and went to his locker; digging out sweats and a shirt which he  
changed into. He grabbed a towel and headed for the gymnasium. A good run,  
or a workout with the punching bag was just what the doctor ordered, he  
decided as he walked along the corridor.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Tucker met the captain's eyes as his friend handed him a cold beer. He read  
the expression in them and lowered his eyes. Okay, so this was going to be  
one of _those_ discussions. He drew a deep breath, took a swig of his beer  
and braced for it.  
  
"What's going on with you, Trip?" Archer wasted no time on pleasantries. He  
went right for the throat.  
  
"It's personal, Cap'n."  
  
"No, it's not. Not anymore. Personal stays inside your own cabin, Trip. I  
know for a fact this situation, whatever it is, is no longer personal. I had  
a couple of complaints about you today."  
  
Tucker shook his head. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I guess I've  
been ridin’ a few people harder than usual. I'll ease up on them."  
  
"Trip," Archer said insistently, causing the engineer to look up and meet  
his eyes. "Who is she?"  
  
"She?" Tucker was genuinely confused.  
  
"Well, every time I've seen you like this before, there's been a woman  
involved. Kaitaama?"  
  
Tucker shook his head. "No. Not exactly."  
  
"Who then?"  
  
"Not she, Cap'n. He."  
  
Archer sank down in a chair and leaned back, studying Tucker as his mind  
went back over the day. He remembered Reed's inattention to his work, the  
general demeanor of the lieutenant as he'd moped most of his shift away on the  
bridge. Archer's brows drew together in a frown and he shook his head.  
"Malcolm?"  
  
Tucker's head snapped up and pained blue eyes met Archer's the answer was  
written in every feature. Tucker swallowed hard and nodded. "How'd you  
know?"  
  
"It's not hard to work it out. You're walking around the ship with a face a  
mile long. The only other person on board with his ass dragging on the deck  
is Malcolm Reed."  
  
Tucker nodded and let his head drop. Staring into his beer. "I screwed up."  
he muttered.  
  
"Want to talk about it?"  
  
Tucker nodded, but he didn't say anything for so long after that Archer  
began to think that he'd changed his mind. He waited, letting Tucker find  
his own pace.  
  
Tucker sighed and rubbed his forehead with one hand, moving to pinch the  
bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger as though to nurse a headache.  
"I cheated on him, Jon. I...I don't even know why I did it. I can't explain  
it. It just...happened."  
  
"Trip, things like that don't 'just happen.'" Archer leaned forward and  
touched his friend on the shoulder. "You had to be involved somehow...I  
mean, you weren't forced, were you?"  
  
"No." Tucker's tone was miserable. "She didn't force me." He sighed and  
looked up. "I acted like an asshole, and somehow, Malcolm knows and now he  
won't even talk to me...I can't get him to answer my calls, he won't look at  
me. I've _tried_ going to talk to him in his cabin...he changed the code,  
and he won't let me in."  
  
"Can you blame him?" Archer didn't relent. "You gave him a lousy deal,  
Trip." He saw the engineer wince. "I won't pull any punches. You and I both  
know this isn't the first time you've been in this situation."  
  
Tucker closed his eyes. His expression showed he knew what Jon was talking  
about. He swallowed hard. "I know."  
  
With a shake of his head, Jon let his breath go with a loud sigh and got to  
his feet. "I thought you learned something from that, Trip."  
  
"I did!" Tucker looked up. "I... well, I thought I did." He lowered his eyes.  
"Kelly dumped me; I lost her... but I don't wanna lose Malcolm."  
  
"Then work out what it is that makes you do this."  
  
"You think I haven't tried?" Tucker got up. "I've spent the last four days  
trying to work _that_ out!"  
  
"I know you pretty well," Archer said as he turned to look into Tucker's  
eyes. "I think I know what might be behind it, if you'll give me a hearing."  
  
"Please..."  
  
"How serious is your relationship with Malcolm? How long have you two been  
together?"  
  
Tucker frowned. "I dunno, a few months, maybe?"  
  
The captain nodded.  
  
"We're...we were pretty close."  
  
"As close as you were with Kelly?" Archer saw the beginning of realization  
cross Tucker's features.  
  
"Yeah..." Tucker frowned and then met the captain's eyes. "I'd say more than  
with Kelly."  
  
Tucker had been involved in a relationship with Kelly Handford during  
training. A scientist, the pretty, redhaired woman caught Tucker's eye  
almost from the first day he'd seen her. It had taken a few weeks for him to  
work up the courage to ask her out, but finally, egged on by Jon and a  
couple of other trainees, he had asked the young woman out on a date.  
  
Once he'd taken the first step, Tucker began to see Kelly regularly. They'd  
become very serious. Tucker even confided to Archer that he was considering  
making a deeper commitment. Then, a few weeks later, it was over. Tucker had  
moved on to another girl and over the ensuing weeks, the whole sorry story  
came out in late night drinking sessions between them. Tucker had slept with  
another woman, and Kelly found out and ended their relationship.  
  
Archer didn't say anything. He looked into his friend’s eyes for a long  
moment.  
  
"Wait a minute...are you sayin' I did this on purpose? That I _meant_ to  
hurt Malcolm?"  
  
"Only you can answer that, Trip." Archer gave his friend a pat on the  
shoulder. "But let me tell you something...you need to work this out. Not  
just for you and Malcolm. For the sake of our mission; you've got to reach a  
place where this isn't affecting his, or your work. Understand?"  
  
Tucker sighed and then nodded as he met the captain's eyes. "I don't know  
how...but I'll work it out. Maybe ya could see your way clear to lock us up  
somewhere?" he offered it in a half joking tone, but his eyes darkened as he  
looked away. "I'll try, Cap'n."  
  
"Good." Archer ushered the engineer towards the door, keeping his arm across  
Tucker's shoulders in a gesture of camaraderie as the door opened. "Try to  
get some sleep, huh? Your staff are concerned that you're going to blow a  
gasket."  
  
"Aye, Cap'n." Tucker said as he stepped through the door. "Night."  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild Spoilers for _The Catwalk_ S02E12

_"Do ya think you could see your way clear to lock us up somewhere?"  
_  
Trip thought of his words to the captain a few days before and shook his  
head. He'd been joking, but those words had come back to haunt him several  
times since the crew had been forced to take refuge in the catwalk.  
  
He sighed as he shifted position in the cramped space that passed for his  
'sleeping quarters' _Sleep_? he asked himself. _With all this racket, the  
smells, the stuffiness?_ Another shake of his head and he sat up with an  
exasperated sigh. Careful not to step on anyone, or disturb fitfully  
sleeping crew members, he picked his way out to the walkway and swung under  
the railing. Stepping onto the metal catwalk, he began to walk along it,  
stopping here and there to speak with crew members who were as sleepless as  
he was himself.  
  
Even if the captain had decided to lock him up with Malcolm on purpose, it  
wouldn't have worked. Amazingly, for such cramped quarters, the lieutenant  
still managed to avoid him. Reed spoke to Tucker only when duty demanded it,  
and kept out of his way the rest of the time.  
  
Malcolm spent a lot of time with Travis and Hoshi. It rankled with Tucker.  
Sometimes, the way Mayweather looked at Trip made him wonder just how much  
the ensign knew. Tucker rubbed at his face in mounting frustration. The  
captain had as good as ordered him to sort the situation out, but how could  
he, when Reed wouldn't even acknowledge his existence?  
  
A violent impact shook Enterprise and Tucker grabbed the handrail to steady  
himself. Once it subsided, he began to walk again but was brought up short by  
the soft groan of a man in distress. He paused, listening. There it was  
again. Faint, but unmistakable. Tucker ducked through the safety rail and  
moved towards the sound.  
  
"Is everyone' all right back here?"  
  
There was a flicker of movement, and a huddled figure, crouched in the  
shadows looked up at him. "Fine, thank you," The accented voice was  
familiar, if somewhat raspy. Reed held a small metal receptacle in his  
hands. He was the picture of misery.  
  
"Malcolm?" Tucker stepped forward. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm fine. Go away."  
  
The short, bitten out sentences, punctuated by gasping breaths made Tucker's  
heart jump. "Are ya hurt?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Mal..."  
  
"Commander...I'm all right. Just..." Another vibration shook through the  
ship. Reed pitched forward and threw up.  
  
Tucker was at his side in an instant. He laid a hand on Reed's back, between  
the shoulder blades. "Just take some deep breaths..." He couldn't feel any  
hint of fever through the cloth of Reed's uniform. That was something. He  
winced as another round of retching seized the lieutenant. "Easy  
now...breathe. In through yer nose, out through yer mouth. You're gonna be  
okay."  
  
The retching eased, and Reed passed a shaking hand across his mouth. "Thank  
you," he croaked.  
  
"You all right?"  
  
"Yes." Reed nodded, and then he let out a breath. "Motion sickness," he  
muttered. "I've always had problems with turbulence."  
  
"You should see the doc. He can treat that. Malcolm, I..."  
  
"Don't!" Reed shrugged Tucker's hand off his back and straightened. "I  
appreciate you coming to check on me." He struggled to his feet. "I'll go  
see the doctor now, sir."  
  
Watching as the lieutenant made his way unsteadily to the catwalk, Tucker  
shook his head and swore under his breath. "Damned stubborn..." he sank down  
in the spot Malcolm had been hunched in and closed his eyes, leaning his  
head back against the bulkhead. The whole area stank of vomit, but at least  
it was darker here, and the worst of the racket was dimmed. Malcolm had a  
talent for finding a quiet spot, Tucker mused as he let his mind drift.  
Before long, he was asleep.  
  
  
#  
  
Tucker didn't get another opportunity to speak privately with Reed for a  
couple of days. The lieutenant kept busy with small tasks, taking his shift  
in the command center, and slinking off to some quiet corner to talk with  
Mayweather or read. He barely gave Tucker the time of day and the longer it  
went on, the more frustrated the engineer got.  
  
Life on the catwalk wasn't easy. The cramped quarters, the stuffiness and  
the million and one little foibles that 83 crew could display in one  
twenty-four-hour period added up to frayed nerves, hot tempers and  
headaches. The only thing anyone could do was try to live with one another  
as peaceably as possible and invent ways to pass the time.  
  
A poker game ran almost round the clock with players wagering anything from  
reading materials to rations. Tucker was playing a few hands with Mayweather  
and Hoshi when Reed walked by.  
  
"Hey Malcolm!" Mayweather beamed a smile at the armory officer. "Come join  
us, we'll deal you in."  
  
Reed hesitated, his eyes taking in the group, flickering past Tucker as  
though he couldn't even bear to look at him. "I think I'll pass," he said.  
"I'm tired."  
  
"Oh come on, Malcolm..." Hoshi looked up at him. "I know you've got a stash  
of desserts in your ration pack. Give someone else a chance to win them."  
  
Reed sighed, shuffled his feet. Finally, he nodded. "All right."  
  
Tucker kept his eyes carefully on his cards. He didn't dare to hope that  
Malcolm might be cracking. It was a poker game. Nothing to get excited  
about.  
  
They played a few hands without speaking other than to call their bets.  
Tucker glanced across the table at Reed once or twice to find the  
lieutenant's eyes had never strayed from his hand. Losing the tiny  
shred of hope he'd almost allowed to flicker to life, Tucker rested his chin  
in his hand and waited for the next round of bets.  
  
"I'll see your strawberry shortcake, and raise you... a pineapple cobbler."  
Reed placed the package on the pile in the center of the table.  
  
Hoshi placed her bet. Broccoli. Tucker queried it and she shrugged. "I'm out  
of desserts."  
  
Tucker stared at Reed openly. His mind wandered of its own accord. He  
remembered times when that voice had purred into his ears late at night,  
when he had woken in the mornings, held close in those arms. When the hands  
that held the cards had sent shivers of delight through every part of him  
with their touch. He licked his lips and suddenly found himself looking into  
Reed's eyes across the table.  
  
"What I wouldn't give for a shower right about now." Reed unzipped his  
uniform a few inches and loosened the collar of his undershirt. The look he  
shot Tucker at the same time, made the engineer's pulse jump. "When this  
hand's over, you might look at building one."  
  
 _Bastard,_ Tucker thought. Reed was well aware of the affect he was having.  
"You want a sauna while I'm at it?"  
  
Mayweather snickered and shifted in his seat as the air almost  
sang with tension.  
  
"You knew we were going to be stuck in here for more than a week." Reed  
looked into Tucker's eyes. "You might have given some thought to making it  
tolerable."  
  
That was unfair. Tucker frowned. "I only had four hours. You're lucky we  
even have a toilet."  
  
"Well, I obviously overestimated your people's abilities when it comes to  
indoor plumbing."  
  
Tucker bristled, Malcolm's attitude was beginning to piss him off. "You want  
a shower?"  
  
Reed nodded.  
  
"Try buildin' one yourself."  
  
He saw Reed's eyes darken, and the lieutenant opened his mouth to speak.  
  
Hoshi and Travis exchanged a worried glance across the table.  
  
Tucker waited for Reed's response, but it never came.  
  
"I think something's burning!" Travis said.  
  
Their argument forgotten, both Tucker and Reed scrambled out onto the  
walkway. Smoke billowed from the curtained off area they'd assigned to the  
Takred passengers.  
  
By the time the situation with the Takred and their impromptu barbecue was  
settled, Tucker had forgotten his anger at Malcolm. He merely wished that  
he could find some way to get Malcolm to listen to him. He would have given  
anything, he thought, to go back to the day on the water planet when he  
impulsively decided to have sex with Kaitaama, and change it.  
  
Making his way to his assigned area later that night, he sighed and shook  
his head. Another day had gone by and he was no closer to working things out  
with Reed than he was when the Neutronic wave front first hit.  
  
He picked up a blanket and was about to settle down when a cough caught his  
attention. Tucker glanced over his shoulder to find Malcolm Reed standing on  
the walkway above him. The commander blinked. "Malcolm?"  
  
Reed didn't speak. Blue-grey eyes looked him over from head to foot.  
  
Tucker waited.  
  
Reed's hand tightened on the railing for a moment, he shuffled his feet and  
then shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sir." he said in an undertone before he  
turned away. "Excuse me."  
  
"Malcolm!" Tucker bolted for the safety rail and ducked through it, bumping  
his head smartly on the way. He rubbed it, but followed his lover quickly.  
"Malcolm, come back here!"  
  
"This was a mistake," Reed muttered, more to himself than to Tucker. "I  
shouldn't have...."  
  
He stopped as Tucker grabbed his arm and swung him around.  
  
"Stop right there, Malcolm! You came to me for a reason, and I wanna know  
why!"  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Malcolm Reed stared into the blue eyes of his lover for a long moment after  
Tucker dragged him to a stop. He shifted his weight from one foot to the  
other. After casting a glance along the catwalk, he looked at Tucker again.  
  
"I came to say I was sorry," he said. "I've said it. Excuse me." He took a  
step away but Tucker caught his arm and he stopped.  
  
"Sorry? What for?" Tucker looked at him with a frown.  
  
Reed sighed. It had been Hoshi's idea that he should try talking to Tucker.  
She had given him one of her looks after the whole Takred thing was settled.  
  
"What was all that about?" Hoshi asked.  
  
"About?" Reed frowned. "It is rather dangerous to build a fire over a plasma  
manifold."  
  
"I don't mean that." Hoshi frowned, "You know what I mean...why were you so  
nasty to Commander Tucker? He did his best to make this place livable. Your  
comments were pretty harsh."  
  
"I've been told I was harsh about the shower thing," Reed muttered. "I  
thought I should apologize, for the things I said about your staff."  
  
Tucker shook his head. "That's it? You're sorry for dumpin' on my people  
about the shower?"  
  
With a small shrug, Reed looked away. He wasn't sure he was sorry at all.  
  
Tucker sighed and leaned against the safety rail. "Malcolm, we need to talk.  
This can't go on the way it is, the Cap'n..."  
  
"I don't think there is anything to talk about, Mister Tucker." Malcolm met  
the engineer's eyes for a moment. "I'm sure the captain is concerned about  
our working relationship, and I am willing to keep that on the level..."  
  
"Wait!" Tucker stepped forward so that he was face to face with the Brit.  
"Listen t'me will ya? Okay, I slept with her...I won't deny that. It was  
stupid and I can't tell ya how sorry I am that I did." He grabbed Reed's arm  
to keep him in place. "If you'll just listen t'me I can try to explain."  
  
"I don't think it will make any difference, Commander." Reed pulled his arm  
free.  
  
"Malcolm, please..." Tucker let his hand fall to his side. "I wasn't usin'  
my head." He lowered his eyes to stare at the deck.  
  
Reed gave a snort of laughter that contained no mirth. "Well, not the one  
attached to your neck, at any rate." His words were clipped and cold,  
spoken in an undertone.  
  
"I guess I deserved that." Tucker leaned his elbows on the handrail and let  
his head fall onto his forearms.  
  
"Yes, you bloody did. And you deserve a lot more besides," Reed replied.  
"You're just lucky this storm hit us when it did, Mister Tucker."  
  
"You know what?" Tucker's voice was edged with pent up anger as he pushed  
away from the handrail. "I don't know why I'm even botherin'with this shit!  
It's a waste o' time!"  
  
"Really?" Reed stepped closer to the engineer, pushing him back until the  
small of his back met the unyielding metal of the safety rail. "A waste of  
time?" He laid a hand on Tucker's shoulder, turned it so that his palm  
rested against the pulse point in the engineer's throat. He made it a  
caress; rubbing across the sensitive skin. Reed smirked as he felt a shudder  
run through Tucker's body. He leaned in, his lips a breath away from  
Tucker's as he whispered, "Please don't waste any more precious time on _my_  
account!" Abruptly breaking the contact, he turned and walked away.  
  
#  
  
Tucker watched his lover walk away. His heart pounded, he trembled from head  
to foot, and the pressing hardness in his pants was an aching reminder of  
just what he was missing. How could he have been such a fucking idiot? His  
relationship with Reed was the best thing that had ever happened to him. How  
could he have been so stupid as to risk throwing it away. He stifled a groan  
and climbed down into the recess where he had set up his cot.  
  
The engineer spent a restless night, unable to sleep; images of that parting  
shot replaying over in his mind until he was driven to the heights of  
frustration. Tucker was convinced that Malcolm was playing him. Like  
a catfish on the end of a line. Like ... like Tucker sat up suddenly.  
  
Malcolm said he didn't care. Okay so if he didn't care, why did he bother to  
tease him? Tucker's heart began to race at the thought. If he really didn't  
care, Malcolm wouldn't do that, would he?  
  
A glance at a data pad told him it was 0400. Reed was usually awake by that  
time of day. Tucker got up and reached for his uniform. He was going to see  
Malcolm and work this out once and for all. He cared about Malcolm too much  
to just let this relationship slip away.  
  
Okay he'd acted like an ass, and there was no excuse for it, but if he could  
just get Malcolm to listen, they might be able to find a way through.  
  
Tucker dressed hurriedly and made his way along the catwalk to where Malcolm  
had his cot.  
  
Malcolm was awake, reading a data pad when Tucker arrived. He looked up at  
the sound of approaching footsteps and then shut off the pad. Getting to his  
feet, he met Tucker's eyes. "Is there something I can do for you,  
Commander?" Cool veneer, professional; standing to attention.  
  
Tucker looked Reed over and allowed a smirk. "Maybe there is, at that," he  
said, allowing just enough heat into his voice to have startled grey  
eyes snap to his face with a glimmer of uncertainty. There was more than a  
glimmer of pain too, and Tucker winced when he saw it. He dropped the cocky  
facade and sighed. "Can we talk? I mean...really talk."  
  
"I suppose so." Reed's sigh echoed Tucker's and he stepped forward.  
"Somewhere a bit quieter," he said in an undertone. Reed led the way to the  
space he'd used when the motion sickness was at its worst. He turned to  
face Tucker. "Talk. I'm listening."  
  
Biting his lips, Tucker thought for a moment and then looked into Reed's  
eyes. "I'm sorry, Malcolm. I honestly never meant for this to happen. I  
wouldn't hurt ya for anythin'. You hafta believe that."  
  
Reed folded his arms across his chest, a defensive action that wasn't lost  
on the engineer.  
  
"Look Malcolm I can't change what I did...I can only try to make it better.  
I--"  
  
"You cheated on me, Trip. Can't you just acknowledge that? You took our  
relationship and stomped all over it."  
  
"Cheated...I... I guess that's what you'd call it."  
  
"I could say fucked around. It's not so bad if it's just a fuck, is it? As  
long as it didn't mean anything to you, that's supposed to make me feel  
better?"  
  
"Now that's not fair, Malcolm. It was a stupid mistake. I keep tryin' to  
tell ya!"  
  
"Oh it was a mistake all right, Mister Tucker. _My_ mistake in thinking you  
might be different to anyone else."  
  
Tucker winced. "I love you, Malcolm."  
  
"You have a very odd way of showing that love."  
  
Pushed beyond endurance, Tucker's temper flared. "Well I'm sorry I don't  
carry myself the way you do Malcolm, some of us aren't as focused as  
you...some of us make mistakes because we're afraid. You wouldn't know  
anything about that though, would you, Malcolm? You're always true grit,  
nothin' phases you!"  
  
  
"No... I’m not true grit. Plenty phases me, Trip...like having my heart  
stomped all over by you for instance? _That_ hurt." He swallowed hard. "But  
I don't expect _you'd_ understand that, either. You're the one who does the  
hurting. You strike first...preemptive strike...and you just carry on as  
though nothing had happened. I hope she was worth it, Mister Tucker." Reed  
turned away. "I've got a duty shift in ten minutes."  
  
"She wasn't worth it," Tucker said. "Nothin's worth this."  
  
Reed glanced at him. "Oh well, I'm sure there'll be others."  
  
"NO! No, Malcolm this will never happen again, I promise ya! I learned  
somethin' this time 'round. I learned that I don't wanna lose this...I don't  
wanna lose _us_."  
  
"This time 'round?" Reed turned to look at Tucker. "You're telling me you've  
done this before?" He shook his head in disbelief. "You amaze me!" He  
stepped towards the catwalk.  
  
"Wait, Malcolm!" Tucker followed him and raised his voice. "MALCOLM!"  
  
"For god's sakes, keep your voice down, do you want the entire crew to hear  
us?" Malcolm returned to him, his eyes hard and cold in the shadows.  
  
"No I won't, we gotta talk about this and sort it ... We're both hurtin have  
you never done anythin you're ashamed of Malcolm? If not then go on an' walk  
away, but if you have, talk to me."  
  
Reed drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Why, Trip? That's what I  
don't understand...Why?"  
  
It was sex Malcolm. I got carried away and it felt good at the time...until  
after...but I never did it to hurt ya Malcolm, I dunno _why_ I did it."  
  
"And the next time you get carried away and something feels good, you'll do  
the same thing again. Forget me, forget all we've shared..."  
  
"No." Tucker sighed. "It's what I've been tryin to tell ya, it's different  
this time... before, I got out because I wanted to. I guess somewhere in the  
back of my mind I wanted out; but this time I realize I don't. I'm scared  
Malcolm, I never had someone I really love before, not like this."  
  
Reed cast the engineer a look from the corner of his eyes, and looked away  
quickly, but something in that look gave Tucker hope. He stepped closer.  
  
"Mal, I run away from everyone, and everythin that tries to get close to me.  
Kelly, Ruby, Natalie..."  
  
"And now you've done it again. You've remained perfectly true to form, and  
you expect me to believe it won't happen again. I can't, Trip. I can't  
invest myself into something like that. I...no matter what you think, I'm  
not some kind of unfeeling..." he sighed. "I honestly don't think this is  
going to work."  
  
"It can...it _will_ if you'll just gimme a chance to prove how much I love  
you."  
  
"I've trusted you before, Trip. You abused that trust. It's not something I  
can simply switch on and off."  
  
"I know. I understand that." Tucker was almost pleading. "I made a stupid,  
asshole mistake and I don't deserve anythin' less than what ya gave me back  
for it...but believe me, Malcolm, I swear t'God it'll never happen again!"  
He trailed off, letting his words hang in the air between them. He watched  
Reed's face for what seemed like an age. All the while he silently prayed  
that Malcolm would give him another chance.  
  
Reed turned to him. His eyes were dark with some unreadable emotion and  
Tucker bit his lip, feeling like a convicted man awaiting the judge's  
sentence.  
  
"I'll think about it," Reed said at length.  
  
"That's all I'm askin'." Tucker let his breath go and sagged against a  
bulkhead.  
  
"I have to go," Reed added. He brushed past Tucker and made his way to the  
catwalk.  
  
Tucker closed his eyes and pressed a hand against them to hold back  
threatening tears. After a moment, he patted the bulkhead with one hand and  
spoke softly. "Darlin', if I ever fuck up like that again, promise you'll  
kill me."  
  
"I promise," a voice said, jerking him out of his reverie. "But don't call  
me darlin'."  
  
"Cap'n!" Tucker straightened and quickly brushed a hand through his hair. "I  
didn't hear ya..."  
  
"I thought I should come and remind you your shift in the command center  
started five minutes ago."  
  
"Sorry." Tucker scrambled towards the cat walk but the captain pulled him up  
with a hand on his shoulder. "I saw Malcolm leaving...I take it you worked  
things out?"  
  
"Maybe," Tucker replied. "I'll... let ya know."


	6. Chapter 6

  
It was good to be clean again. Eight days without a shower, or a change of  
uniform was not the most pleasant experience of the voyage. Reed stepped out  
of the shower, hips swathed in a towel, and peered into the mirror. His hair  
curled damply against his scalp and he took another towel and rubbed at it  
vigorously.  
  
  
His thoughts carried him back to the last day they'd spent in the catwalk.  
It was a Tuesday; movie night. Tucker had not officially asked Reed to go  
with him to the movie, but the engineer had positioned himself as close to  
Reed as he could without touching him. At first, Reed was unsure  
how to respond. He knew that he wasn't ready, yet, to let his lover  
completely back into his life.  
  
Reed had never been one to trust easily, but when he did allow anyone under  
his defenses, he trusted completely. It often led to hurt. Reed sighed as  
he pulled a comb through his dark curls. Rebuilding that trust would take  
time, he knew. He hoped Tucker understood that as well.  
  
Laying the comb on the counter, he turned away from the mirror. He hadn’t decided, yet,   
how much of his heart he wanted to open to Tucker again.  
  
The clean t-shirt and sweats he pulled on felt smooth and soft against his  
skin. He sighed in pleasure, reveling in the sensation. It was good to get  
out of the catwalk; to get back to the privacy that he so cherished. Reed  
moved to his small desk and sat down in front of his computer. He planned to  
spend the rest of his day off catching up on mail.  
  
The door chime almost brought a grunt of resentment from him.  
Reluctantly he glanced at the door. "Come in." Couldn't people understand  
that after eight days cramped into that crawl space, one craved a little  
alone time?  
  
The door slid open with a muted hiss and Reed came to his feet in a rush.  
"Captain.” His hands slid behind his back by reflex and he straightened his shoulders.  
  
"Relax, Malcolm." Archer waved a hand at him and smiled affably. "This isn't  
a formal visit, and it won't take long."  
  
With a nod, Reed relaxed to the extent that he let his hands drop to his  
sides. He stood looking at the captain in silence for a moment until Archer  
grinned and waved to a chair. "Mind if I sit?"  
  
"Oh...of course, sir." Reed nodded and sank down on the chair by his desk as  
the captain eased his large frame onto the sofa.  
  
"Malcolm, how're you doing?"  
  
It was an odd question coming from the captain, and seemingly out of the  
blue. Reed blinked. "I'm fine, sir." He knew his puzzlement must be showing  
in his expression.  
  
Archer nodded and seemed to consider for a long moment before he looked into  
Reed's eyes. "I am aware of the...situation with you and Trip," he said. "I  
wanted to...touch base with you and see if there is anything I could do?"  
  
Hot color flooded to Reed's cheeks and he lowered his eyes. "He told you?"  
  
"I guess I... didn’t give him much choice," Archer replied. "It won't go any  
further, Malcolm."  
  
With a small nod, Reed met the captain's eyes. "Thank you, sir." He stood  
up. "I don't think there is anything much you, or anyone can do. It's a  
matter of time."  
  
"I understand." Archer took the hint and got up, but he paused a moment. "Do  
you have someone you can talk to? Phlox is..."  
  
"Thank you, Captain. I have... someone."  
  
Archer nodded. "All right." He took a step towards the door, but then he  
stopped and turned to look at Reed. "You know, I've already told Trip  
that... I'll kill him if he hurts you again."  
  
Reed's mouth dropped open and he stared into the captain's eyes, lost for  
words. Realizing he was gawping, he shut his mouth with a snap and nodded.  
He didn't know what to say.  
  
Archer chuckled and moved to press the door control. "Goodnight, Malcolm."  
  
~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoy this work, please leave kudos or comments to let the author know.


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